Chandni Chowk To China

Cast: Akshay Kumar, Deepika Padukone, Ranvir Shorey, Mithun Chakraborty, Gordon Liu, Roger Yuan, Kiran Juneja
Language: Hindi
Banner: R S Entertainment, Orion Pictures, Warner Bros
Director: Nikhil Advani
Producer: Ramesh Sippy, Rohan Sippy, Mukesh Talreja
Camera: V Manikandan, Himman Dhamija
Story: Rajat Arora, Sirdhar Raghvan
Screenplay: Rajat Arora, Sirdhar Raghvan
Dialogue: Rajat Arora, Sirdhar Raghvan
Music: Shankar, Loy, Ehsaan
Year: 2009

Here’s a chop-suey with desi tadka. Karate with some dhobi patak wrestling. But this cocktail called Chandni Chowk To China turns out to be utter mess.

Akshay Kumar can no longer be the saviour of no-brainer comedies that have become a sort of excuse for many directors to hide their incompetence behind. Making a good no-brainer requires brains. It requires a script in which humour is so potent that even if the story stretches beyond the point of its credibility, the gags still flow out of the situations in the plot, however implausible they may be. That is certainly not the case with ‘Chandni Chowk To China’, which is like an over-stewed chop-suey with burnt tadka.

The movie, mind you, is not an out-and-out comedy. It see-saws between being slapstick and weepy, and also has a generous smattering of ouch-ing tiger and hideous dragon.

So in the name of entertainment you have the tomfoolery of a goofy cook Sidhu (Akshay) who’s tired of his dreary existence of chopping vegetables everyday and being kicked about in his butt by his righteous, hard-working Dada ( Mithun Chakraborty ). Leaving Chandni Chowk, Sidhu goes to China after a bunch of Chinese men convince him that he is the reincarnation of an ancient Chinese warrior, even though Sidhu is told by a feng shastra expert ( Ranvir Shorey ) that he was a machchar (mosquito) in previous life. Little does Sidhu know that he’s taken to the other side of the Great Wall to fight and kill an evil and powerful ganglord Hojo (Gordon Liu).

In the name of drama, on the sidelines, there’s a dull, tortuously boring and weepy subplot of a Chinese cop separated from his twin daughters after losing his memory while fighting Hojo many years ago. The twins grow up to be Sakhi and Meow ( Deepika Padukone ). While Sakhi is a telemarketing model who uses a variety of gizmos, Meow does Hojo’s dirty work.

Initially beaten and battered by Hojo, how Sidhu takes his revenge is what the remaining movie is about.

Nikhil Advani , who made the super turkey Salaam-e-Ishq two years back, may not get a hit movie to his filmography this time around as well. Working with a tacky script that runs in many directions without going anywhere, Nikhil makes a complete hodgepodge of this mad-cap caper despite having a crowd-puller like Akshay at the helm. By the time the movie ends you sincerely wish it were the director and the writer who were at the receiving end of Mithun’s many kicks on Akshay’s bum.

As for the charmer, Akshay, himself, his goofy act is becoming a tad too predictable by now. After digesting his antics in Welcome and Singh Is Kinng , the audiences are already overfed. And he goes about doing the same in ‘Chandni Chowk To China’. He does make you laugh at times, but the humour doesn’t have the explosive effect that you expect from Akki.

Deepika Padukone catches your eye when she fights and hops like a monkey gone nuts, but she is insufferable as the sentimental Sakhi in search of her estranged family.

Gordon Liu has an arresting screen presence but a poorly etched role to match it. Ranvir Shorey is totally wasted in an inconsequential role. The moist-eyed Mithun Da oscillates between crying and hollering in the name of acting.

With its forgettable music, lowbrow performances and shoddy direction, ‘Chandni Chowk To China’ is like a trip you never wish to have made. Promoted as a no-brainer, this naan and noodle combination can seriously wreck a few wirings in your head if you watch it more than once.

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